Marjon Mijnsbergen

I am back home in the Netherlands for a week now and like to reflect on what I have experienced lately, both in Uganda and here in the Netherlands. As Bobby Schuler said this morning in the sunday preaching on Hour of Power both Mother Theresa and Jeanis Joplin are spiritual. We both have a Mother Theresa and a Jeanis Joplin within...What we feed will grow. Yes, for a long time I have been like Jeanis Joplin  and I enjoyed it to discover life and mysef that way. I was restless and full of questions and could not match it with the picure I had about religion at that time. I noticed that I could not be myself anymore in a religious setting and I considered mysef not to be schizofren. Most of all I did not want to act like somebody I was not, so that I could not be true anymore. I have been looking for intimacy and was too passionate to truely find it  When I love somebody I have the tendency to give too much, so I allways need to be aware that I do not loose myself...That happened a lot. I started to develop the Mother Theresa in me, when I traveled to India at the age of 25. I saw a man with a self-made skateboard, without legs, crossing a street and people digging for food in the garbish in the midst of the wealthy surroundings in Bombay. (Mombai) I saw men in an Islamitic hotel watching films where the males tortured women. On the other hand I saw double whise people who guided us through our experiences and who were hostile to us..So hostile that they even give their last piece of fruit to 2 tall dutch ladies without men. backpacking through the South of India. This experience changed my life and when I arrived back home it took me 2 months to get comfortable with the silence there. Sometimes I hated the chaos in the traffic and sounds from claxoning and, the mosques when I was still sleeping in the hotel, but I was even harder to get used to that killing silence. Beyond that, I realised that I somehow was a stranger too in this Western world...So I kept on traveling and saw poverty in the silvermines of Uyuni in Bolivia. The men were drinking pure alcohol and chewing coca-leaves, because they had no food and still had hope to find gold. Unfortunately lots of them die an early death, because of pullmonia. I got a wagon with a ton of minerals on my left food, because I tried to get someting from the rails what did not belong there, but I was late.The 'indigenos' showed me how to recover. They asked me to chew coca-leaves together with them and so put this on a paper, which they used as a compress. They only thing they addes were some orange herbs from the pharmacy and we repeated this procedure 3 times...In a week I was able to use my left foot again and walked at Machu Pichu in Peru. Some years later I had a burn-out because of being to ambitious at work and due to epilepsy. I lost my job. I did aquisition on a sales office of an offset printery. In that time God showed me that life is not all about working...I had a long period of rest. In the begiining I was very miserable, but later I started to understand that I needed to learn to let go and even get more spiritual. I travelled to South-Africa. I first wanted to go to Burkina Faso where I sponsored students for 6 years, but the dutch priest there thought it was too risky still to travel there as tourists and he thought it was better that I had recovered fully from my brain operation lateron. When I look back I can understand, but still it is about what God wants with your life, what counts the most...He will protect you and bless you. In South-Africa I was impressed about the wideness and the beauitful nature. I was really touched by the strength of the people we met in the slums of Capetown. I noticed again that there is more spirituality and gratefullness with the poor than with most rich people. I went to Robben Island and could not wait to read ' A long walk to freedom' from Nelson Mandela. I have seen his circumstances in prison and really have such a deep respect for Madiba. I was ready now to finish my study: public relations and information and got all my certificates...My speed was not speedy enough to go for my examens, so I decided to do it like this. I had done intense study and research for this and really wanted to obtain my certificates. I managed to very well. Then I enjoyed snorkling and swimming with both dolphins and humpbackwhales in Hawaii and the Dominican Republic. I first went to Eilat, but was not allowed to swim, because of my epilepsy. Then somebody of the travel organisation asked me to contact Joan Ocean in Hawaii, because she studied psychology and might allow me to swim with her. God gave me great experiences there...snorkling and swimming amidst wild dolphins and whales...in their habitats in open sea. I became aware of the importancy of freedom. The animals in captivity and semi-captivity, because they get fed, really behave different. As soon as your  start to love these beautiful creatures, which happened in Eilat, you really want those angels of the sea to be free. You won't find me in the Zoo or in a dolphinarium anymore. I even had a vision when I was with the whales...We were following them with an expedition boat and I saw a big circle formed by people, whales and dolphins with sick, ill people and dolphins, whales in the midst. We were praying for healing for them. It really touched me deeply...I just had stopped all my epilepsy medication, because I was frustrated that I still had 17 epilepsyfits every month and we were protesting against the use of Low-frequency sonar by the Navy of the United States, which regurlarly blew the ears and brains of the whales. I had a kind of fever by stopping my medication so I was not snorkling, but still longing to see the whales. I let it go. Then I noticed that an underwatercamera had fallen out of out boat and suggested to the captain to get it out of the water..Once there, All those huge animals came floating under me..A male one, a hunter, a female one and a baby...The adults with a size of 15 meters long and the baby 5 meters long...They surprised me and I would be thankful for this for the rest of my life. I am convinced that God works through every living creature, because He is the Mastercreator and equiped us perfectly in the way we are...He lives in all of us, because we are from Spirit. That is why I do not like to tell you that this trip was also about New Age, Ufo's, aliens...I read books about New Age, esothery e.g., but Aliens really are not of my kind.  Religious people might think that I am crazy or that I have lots of phantasy. Well, somehow you are right and I am glad I am. Even Seal had a song; 'Crazy'...'You will never going to survive, unless you get a little crazy'...I learned through life experiences that we are the church, because God lives in us. It is all about faith. Faith is also Godgiven and it is all about love/relationship with people. His perfect love casts out any fear, and that is what happened while I swam with dolphins and whales, just admiring them and playing / interacting with them. During my trip with the dolphins I even fell out of the boat with an epilepsy fit. I had no fear, because I knew my partner would get me out of the water, because he was firefighter and security officer. I had decided to let love win it over fear. A friend Anita took my cap ' No Fear' and gave me a new one with ' Hawaii ' on it. I started to paint after this experience and it gave me rest and focus somehow. When you have 17 epilepsyfits a month you really need that. I also was very happy that I had paintingclass into experimental painting, with a empathatic teacher and other kind ladies around. In the same time they did research on me for a brain operation, because the doctors agreed that the epilepsymedication was not working well on me. They had tried that for about 20 years. I had 80 % chance to recover and 3 % chance to get permanent brain damage. I went for the 80 % and took the right decision. I fully recovered and memory even improved. They took out of my hypocampus at the right part of the brain. The location of speech and memory is there. During research they recovered that the left part of the brain would take over this vital functions, which it did.  In the same time I also had given my life to Jesus in the Salvation Army. I am thankful for the amazing love they showed to me and others. for their good care and also for the bible studies. They taught me a lot about the love of Christ, faith and courage and how to bring it into practice. I belief that faith without deeds is nothing, because it is all about love. At a certain moment I felt I was walking too much in a program of an organisation and was not well able to put limits...I felt to have more quiet time with God and to learn to know about the Holy Spirit. I wanted to go deeper with God and had a huge need for intimacy. However I tried several years to save my relationship with my partner, I have not managed to do so in the end. He was just content with the life he led and I was ready to go into deeper waters. We divorced, because I was sure he was not fighting for the relationship and he was trying to get intimate with another woman. In the end we decided to split and try to do that in a reasonable way, which we did. It has been a tough time and it caused me lots of pain to let go many lovely people of my life, as I decided to quit the Salvation Army as well. At the other hand I found intimacy with Jesus through the Holy Spirit, more painting and through the help of firends. This was in about 2009. We discussed religion and the need for more love and freedom in Jesus Christ. Christine was so passionate to go to Uganda. I met her in a holiday/conference week of House of Prophets in Zelhem in the Netherlands. She offered me to travel with her and so I started to paint with orphans of Bulamu Village in 2010. It has been both good and difficult. It has been good because the children and I liked the project a lot and it has been hard too, because we and many others there were still more in the flesh and not in the Spirit. At that time it has been difficult, but now I see we still needed to grow in love and maturity. We will keep on growing for a life time and God knows it. Do not worry. We all learned a lot and I think it is special we did it together. We share something special. The enemy likes to fight that thought in our brains, but fortunately the wisdom in the heart is beyond that. Take your time for your personal proces, because God has a plan for each one of us. I think it is good to emphasise this, certainly in Western countries, because we walk so fast sometimes (even to do good for others) that we do not take time to listen to ourselves, thus to God. I am going to stop writing now. I have appointed with a friend who is going to divorce probably. It is about my story and God knew it allready years ago. Love Hi, others and yourself with all your mind, heart, soul and body.